“Our mind and our feelings are not the trustworthy friend we thought they were.”
Just finished watching this TED talk, and it got me thinking about emotional hygiene, and how we talk to ourselves when we are hurt.
It really struck me how mean we can be to ourselves when we sustain a psychological injury like failure or rejection.
I really thought that I had made huge progress in surmounting my jerkbrain but in a new country, without friends, and without the comfort of a familiar career, it is basically back to square one.
Receiving a rejection letter from a job that I didn’t really want anyway starts the Inner Critic’s voice:
“Those who can’t do, teach”
“You’re transferable skills aren’t really that transferable.”
“You were dreaming to think that you could just walk into an awesome job here”
“You are not, in fact, God’s gift to Ireland”
“Who do you think you are to think you could be [an events coordinator] without any explicit experience”
“Perhaps you should try lying more on your CV”
“You’re stuck, doomed to be either a teacher or a waitress for the rest of your days”
What?
“We wouldn’t get a cut on our arm, and get a knife then see how much deeper we can make it. So why do we do it to ourselves psychologically?”
Consciously, I know that 95% of those words are jerkbrain, and not truth. But “people often live their lives living so far below their potential because they failed once, and they believed their failure.”
To overcome this, you must fight feelings of helplessness.
And so I fight.
And now I have a job interview tomorrow, and another two on Monday.
Now I must convince myself that actually maybe I am awesome, and worthy of these jobs.
“When you are in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would a good friend.”
And so imagining what George or Michelle or Jess would say to me in such circumstances, I say to myself “Bitch, you got this, you are, in fact, amazing, and they would be lucky to have you. You have so much to offer, I hope they see that. And if they do not, that is their loss. Someone’s failure to see your worth doesn’t change it in any way.”
And I walk into the interview, smiling.