Change is hard and scary right? It can also be invigorating and empowering. Do we embrace change or shy away from it? Do we create change or have change happen to us?
I have been wondering for some time about when people’s default to any problem is ‘grin and bear it’, avoiding the inconvenience of change, shying away from self-improvement. While it can be important to chill and just-go-with-the-flow sometimes, is it possible to be too serene?
If knowing the difference between when to use courage and when to employ acceptance is wisdom, does that mean skipping to serenity before one has tried to change things is… unwise?
Like accepting the things that really we could change before we’ve even tried to change them.
How are we to know if things can be changed, and that we’re the one to change them?
I think it is as much about our comfort zone and our idea of our own agency. Our ability to change things is as great as our belief in our ability to do so. Seldom do people change the world by accident.
We’re unlikely to think it’s courageous to change things if we’ve never substantially changed anything by ourselves before. If we’ve needed others to affect change with or for us, then it is unlikely to be our go-to impulse and we might skip to acceptance. Well, that’s just the way it is. This is how it’s always been.
Some realities do need to be accepted, and there’s perhaps not too much that we can do to change some things in some circumstances. But maybe courage is much like a muscle?
I do not think that courage is like a divine lightning rod from God. It’s not going to feel happy and empowering at first, and in my experience, it’s unlikely to be successful first time round.
Perhaps we need a few more ingredients beyond merely courage to be able to change things.
Tenacity, idealism, self-belief, conviction, a vision for a different future. Inspiration from change makers the world over that the slightest act towards this different future can – and will – make a positive difference. We need consistency, determination, and some ability to recruit others, either to hold us accountable, to follow us, or to actually affect the change because we don’t happen to be in charge of everything (yet!).
No, it is not merely courage that is required. It is so much more.
Does that mean we shouldn’t try, and default to serenity?
It is also a profound underestimation of our own efficacy, and just how very much we could change if we really put all our resources towards it.
I’m reminded of the Marianne Williamson quote (questionable person, solid quote):
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”
Do we shy away from change because we understand how hard it is? Or perhaps the ick of upsetting others and disturbing the norm? Or perhaps we’re actually just scared of what it’d mean if we were to change?
We need to be able to sit with discomfort, in ourselves and in others. We need to grow the muscle of our courage, and thicken our skin, strengthen our convictions, and step back from the abyss of ennui, the cynical chasm that years of inefficacy and impotence creates in so many of us.
So we might not be able to change everything all the time forever, but we can change ourselves. Slowly but surely, little by little, one action or reaction at a time.
It’s scary and daunting. It takes a little more than courage.
Put on some sunglasses and step into the light that frightens us. Maybe we can try to change, one ant-step at a time towards a better tomorrow, before serenity sets in to cement the status quo.
I’m going to try – one ant-step at a time – to create and share more things here and on tiktok …so stay tuned!